How to file for divorce – Divorce advice for women

How to Keep a Divorce from Hurting Your Mother-Daughter Relationship

As a single-parent mom, you already have a lot to juggle: working, raising children, and being both homemaker and housekeeper…not to mention everything else going on your life. If you’re the mom of a tween girl, you’re also faced with additional challenges as your daughter begins to go through the rapid physical changes puberty brings, forms a lasting opinion of herself, and finds her own strength and inner beauty. Your to-do list might be miles long, but even if it seems like you can’t possibly take on anything more, there are a few simple things you can do to make sure your relationship with your daughter doesn’t suffer after the divorce.

Here are three divorce-advice tips to help you keep a good mother-daughter relationship with your tween after the divorce is final.

Divorce Advice for Single-Parent Moms

1. Don’t treat her like your best friend or confidant.

Of course you are going through a tough time as you adjust to being a single-parent mom, and your daughter is going through a lot, too. It might be tempting to treat her like your best friend, but you don’t want to burden her with adult problems. Don’t think your mother-daughter relationship is becoming closer because you tell her every detail that goes through your head. Instead of becoming “best friends,” you could really be pushing her away by forcing her to make adult assessments of the divorce and its complexities.

2. Don’t give her a guilt-trip her because she wants to spend time with her father.

Girls who have positive relationships with their fathers (especially after a divorce) are more likely to grow up with healthy levels of self-confidence and have healthy relationships. In fact, instead of tearing down or resenting her relationship with her father, you should do everything you can to support it. Read “Help Your Ex Boost Your Daughters’ Self-Esteem and Confidence After Divorce” (link to parent article).

It’s important to support and encourage visitation between your ex-husband and your daughter. During her tween years, she will already be beginning to separate from him, and a divorce can hasten that feeling because the time she spends with her dad will probably be cut in half. Never make her feel guilty or as if she is choosing between her dad and you.

3. Get on the same page.

Although you won’t agree 100 percent of the time, join with your ex-husband in creating similar rules for both homes. Set core rules that will apply to her at both homes as she approaches her teen years. Speak to your ex-husband in advance to get his opinions and his cooperation when you have to administer discipline that could cross over into his visitation time. This way it will be easier for him to support and administer the discipline fairly and consistently in his home, too.

Being a single-parent mom isn’t easy, but you can keep your mother-daughter relationship intact by following these three pieces of divorce advice. To read more about how to navigate a relationship with your ex and how it affects your daughter, read Help Your Ex Boost Your Daughters’ and Confidence After Divorce.

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Question by monica: relationship advice!!! headed for divorce?? or not?
well i dont even know where to start i’m really unhappy with the way this are going with our relationship. i was unfaithful to him when we were engaged. but get this he hadnt even gotten me a ring or anything so i didn;’t consider it real engagment to me back then he was just my bf. well ny ways he found out and he sayed he forgave me and wanted to make things work i told him okay u know i love u so lets move on. we got married and had a kid wive been together for about 2 and half years and he drank alot everyday{alcoholic}and didn work much. always had his drunk friends at the house. never cleaned cooked or helped me out we came to a point where we just straight up hate each other. and now we moved to my moms cuz i cant take working so much and cleaning and the baby . well we moved here and now he/s all about change and making it work. but i dont love him the hate is there and our baby dosent even like it when he holds her. he says its all my fault cuz i cheated and thats why he drinks but i think he’s just trying to find an excuse. i hate him but he insist on making it work cuz hes a changed man! i want out i’ m tired of working so much through out our whole marriage ive been faithful dont go out at all but still he treats me that way. i just think it’s to late for change!!! wut do u think???

Best answer:

Answer by PraoWolf
Well you said it right in the beginning, you cheated on him, right there that would be a deal-breaker for me. If you did it once, it meant you weren’t really committed to the relationship in the first place, forgiven or not, he shouldn’t have allowed you back so easily, but that’s his fault, and yes he is finding excuses. From where I’m sitting, you’re both in the wrong. Even further wrong is you two having a child, sorry to say it, but that was just dumb. That’s not love, I don’t care what anybody says, I know true love I have true love, and I worked my butt off to get it, and sacrificed nearly everything to attain it, and if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing. But with him or without him, your life is now over ever since you had that child, and whether you want to work or not, you better get used to the idea of working lots of hours, for little pay and coming home and taking care of the baby and getting little sleep.

The way I see it you broke rule one of the relationship, don’t cheat. That immediately means you’re not engaged in the relationship totally, you broke a line of trust and disrespected your partner (bf husband doesn’t matter) by cheating. Whether he’s finding excuses or not, shows he’s not fully committed either, so this is just one of those, where both of you need to agree to disagree and just part ways, if not for yourselves than the welfare of the child.

Definition of insanity; doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

What do you think? Answer below!

Question by hollybear: Advice on how to build a new relationship with ex-spouse?
Hello all. We have a year old son together and are currently going through a divorce. Does anyone have any personal-experience advice on how to forge the path from a romantic relationship to a healthy, friendly parenting relationship during and after the divorce? I just want a good life for our son, which means that his father and I have to build a different, new relationship. I’m at a loss of where to start??
Thanks in advance!

Best answer:

Answer by Denise B
To do this right you have make sure the enviorment doesn’t every lead him on to thinking that there could still be romance. Only invite him over in the day time to see your son so he doesn’t end up spending the night. Never wear anything that he might see as a signal that you want him physically. You could also drop your son off at his place, that way its a quick enter and exit move. Have a close friend over when he comes over.

During the divorce try and make it known you don’t want to hurt him, so don’t try run off with his life savings. Stay in contact, be friendly

Add your own answer in the comments!

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Divorce Advice ? How to Deal With Relationship Breakdown?

If counseling and discussion have proved unsuccessful and you see divorce as the only option, then it is best to try and do so amicably – especially if there are children involved. Even though you may not love each other anymore, you should try to avoid the spitefulness that can often accompany a relationship breakdown.

While there is no such thing as a good divorce, there still can be an amicable one. When children are involved, discussing the process with them early on and explaining what is going on is the best way to handle things. Let them know that you love them, and that you will both do all you can to ensure that they are treated fairly during and after the divorce.

You don’t have to remain friends with your ex-partner, for more details visit to www.profit-pulling-niches.com but try to stay “on the same side” when it comes to child-rearing. You should share in the raising of your children, and that process is bound to fail if you are adversarial and contradictory. Spoiling a child so that they will like you more may seem appealing, but in the long run it will only hurt them.

Even if children are not a part of the equation when you are getting a divorce, remaining on good terms can only have benefits for you both. An antagonistic divorce can be very traumatic and feelings of resentment can rise to the surface and overwhelm us. Often it is easy to blame your spouse when you are hurt, for more details visit to www.auto-cons.com but taking responsibility for our own feelings can help you to escape this trap. If you and your spouse can work together it’s not too difficult to find a harmonious end to your marriage.

Shaking hands and parting ways is a much better way to end a marriage than shaking fists and vowing revenge. If there is a disagreement over who gets the car or the house, then try talking with a mediator before you begin the legal tug-of-war.

Divorce is often a sad and ugly process, and it can change the kindest, gentlest soul into a beast. Try to respect your former spouse’s feelings, even though you might not care for him or her anymore. Attempt to imagine him or her as a person you met on the street, and treat them with the same politeness that you would a stranger.

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Start Getting Advice on Saving Marriage & Stop Divorce Advice That Can End Your Relationship

Stop and think before you go to a lawyer to talk about divorcing your partner. The situation in your marriage may seem to be beyond redemption, but stop getting divorce advice from anyone until you are absolutely certain there’s nothing you can do to save the relationship.

When you got married you were both full of expectations, but life has a way of quickly bringing problems into your life that cause disruption, arguments and apathy.

Financial problems can be one of the biggest areas of disagreement in marriage. Maybe one partner keeps spending and getting into debt, or jobs are lost and debts are piling up. Whatever the situation, together you can sort it out and get back on the right path. This can only be done however, by talking it over with each other, or with a financial adviser, and tackling the problem together.

The most important word here is ‘together’, because you will be amazed what you can achieve as a ‘team’, and by so doing your love and respect for each other will grow.

Letting yourself go can also become a problem with a partnership. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you don’t have to keep yourself looking nice, and you can let the home drift into chaos. Both partners should ensure that they keep themselves and their surroundings looking the best they possibly can. These are not always easy things to do, but they can be achieved with a little hard work and forethought.

Laugh a lot. Laughter can see you through so many things in life, and put things into perspective. Making fun of day to day things together can break down barriers and tensions quicker than anything else.

Try to avoid bitterness. It’s so easy to become bitter when things don’t work out the way you want them to. What you don’t realize is that in a way your mindset is helping to create an even worse situation. Therefore coming together with your partner to plan and work towards a goal can give you enthusiasm and a purpose.

Marriage should be about thinking of the other person and what they aspire to, and trying to achieve it together. Participating in things together brings you closer and feeds your soul. Success in anything doesn’t come easy, but it’s well worth it.

Once you seek a divorce and criticisms about each other are brought about through third and fourth parties, it’s very difficult to get back what you once had together. For this reason divorce should be the last resort, when everything else has failed.

If you loved one another once, then it may still be buried deep inside you, and can be revived. Make time for each other, sit and talk, listen, laugh and make love. Take criticism and work with it to create a better understanding of what you both need and want. However busy you are make time every day for each other and learn how it went wrong.

Stop divorce advice before it starts, as once you’ve started seriously considering divorce there’s no going back.

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