Ina has started a series on the Universal Laws That Govern Life. The first Law is the Law of Love. Stay tune this season for a positive life transformation. www.radicalzeal.org inaglobal8@aol.com
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Pastor Gary Brothers, senior Pastor of Cape First in Cape Girardeau, MO, shares a practical message in part 1 of Divorce and Remarriage – Dealing with Divorce. To find out more about Pastor Gary and Cape First visit our website www.capefirst.org
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This article is the first in a series of four that offers solid practical legal advice for individuals facing the prospect of a divorce. It is important to adequately prepare yourself properly for the legal process ahead in order to avoid any further unnecessary emotional stress during this difficult time.

Tip #1: Understanding the legitimate legal grounds for divorce in the view of the court is an important preliminary step in getting a divorce. The traditional grounds for divorce are known as fault grounds, and include transgressions such as adultery, extreme cruelty, desertion, alcoholism, incarceration and sexual deviance on the part of one spouse. A no-fault divorce does not assign blame to either partner, and occurs when both spouses agree that the marriage could not be repaired over time or through counseling. Be sure to research the specific laws regarding the grounds for divorce in your state in order to educate yourself on this preliminary aspect of divorce. A divorce lawyer can help you understand which legal statutes apply to your circumstances.

Tip #2: If you are contemplating a divorce, you may be wondering whether you should move out of the house. Divorce lawyer Peter Paras offers this insight: “Legally, if you leave your house, you don’t give up any of your rights to the house, to your children, or to anything. Sometimes leaving the house is a practical solution that makes a great deal of sense for everybody because it may help to reduce the stress and anxiety of everybody in the family, which will help to make the case go a little more smoothly.” On the other hand, Paras adds, “There are other times when it would be detrimental for tactical reasons to leave the house and those would have to be explored on an individual basis.” A general principle to remember when making a decision about whether or not to leave the house is that the more a couple can cooperate and compromise, the faster and smoother the whole divorce process will be. If you have children, it’s important to consider their well being and emotional state as well when making this decision.

Tip #3: It’s important to be prepared for your initial visit with your divorce attorney. Divorce attorney Bonny Reis suggests, “Before you see a lawyer, go through the house and take the financial records that you can find because although we’re entitled to get them in discovery, sometimes that is a long and costly process. The more you can bring to your lawyer to begin with, the better off you are and the less expensive your divorce is going to be.” Financial records that are especially helpful include bank account records, brokerage account records, tax returns, and Quicken records. “If someone keeps their books and pays their bills on Quicken or some program like that, it gives us in a nutshell the family’s lifestyle. It saves a lot in attorney’s fees and in accountant’s fees, and it enables us to give the judge a picture of exactly how the family lived,” Reis explains. Bringing your divorce lawyer proof of your significant other’s transgressions, such as incriminating photographs, is not very productive because the court views divorce as essentially an economic decision. As difficult as it may be, it is best to try to keep your emotions in check and focus on the practical concerns at hand.

Divorce cases involve many different types of issues, including child custody, child visitation, child support, assets and property, and alimony, all of which will be addressed in parts 2-4 of this series.

Look for the upcoming installments of this series:
Part 2: Child Custody and Child Visitation
Part 3: Child Support and Alimony
Part 4: Assets and Property Division

More Divorce Advice Articles

Child custody is one of the most difficult and emotionally charged aspects of a divorce. There are two primary types of custody, physical custody and legal custody.  Physical custody is awarded to parent with whom the child will live a majority of the time.  The custodial parent often shares legal custody of the child with the non-custodial parent. Legal custody refers to the right to make decisions about the child’s education, religion, health care, and other significant concerns. Some parents settle on a joint-custody arrangement, through which the child spends approximately an equal amount of time with both parents. The following tips offer advice about child custody and child visitation, so that you and your soon to be ex-spouse can handle these difficult issues with the least amount of emotional strain on yourselves and your children as possible.

Tip #1: Focus on your child’s or children’s best interests. This may sound overly simple, but divorce lawyer Peter Paras stresses, “In dealing with the issue of custody, it is important to know that it is the children’s best interests that are the central focus of the court’s concern.” Divorce attorney Bonny Reis agrees, stating, “One of the most important [elements of] good parenting is the ability of a parent to subordinate his or her needs to the needs of the child. Once people begin to understand that and stop seeing the child’s needs through the lens of their own feelings, they become much better parents and much better candidates for custody.” It is essential to keep your negativity toward your former spouse from damaging your child’s relationship with him or her, as well as your child’s perceptions of him or her. When it comes to deciding custody arrangements, courts tend to look favorably on parents who are respectful and cooperative during the divorce proceedings.

Tip #2: There are two ways to resolve the issue of child custody. First, the parents can reach a compromise, thereby recognizing that the children are entitled to know both of their parents and structuring the children’s future in a collaborative manner.  Second, in cases where extenuating circumstances make compromise extremely difficult or impossible, a judge will make the custody decision. Peter Paras, an experienced divorce lawyer, points out, “One of the most critical elements in deciding whether or not compromises can be reached or not is how well the parents can communicate and whether the parents have a recognition that the other parent has a right to have a relationship with the children and that the children have a right to have a relationship with both parents.”

Tip #3: Establish a fixed visitation schedule. When a court establishes visitation rights for a noncustodial parent, it usually orders reasonable visitation. In order for the reasonable visitation approach to succeed, both parents must cooperate and communicate frequently. Fixed visitation refers to the establishment of a detailed visitation schedule by the court, including the times and places for visitation with the noncustodial parent. Divorce attorney Bonny Reis favors this approach. “I feel strongly that there has to be a schedule…when you have a schedule as a default, both parents know when they can make time for themselves. To have a schedule shows that the parents respect one another and respect one another’s right to go on with their lives.” Another important beneficial result of fixed schedules is that they provide greater stability for the child. The child will know when to expect spending time with each of his or her parents, leading to healthier, more solid relationships and less tension between family members.

Divorce cases involve many different types of issues, including preparing for your divorce, child support, assets and property, and alimony, all of which will be addressed in this series.

For more divorce advice, refer back to Part 1 of this series and look for the upcoming installments:
Part 1: Divorce Advice: Preparing for Your Divorce
Part 3: Divorce Advice: Child Support and Alimony
Part 4: Divorce Advice: Assets and Property Division

More Divorce Advice Articles