Best answer:

Answer by Tabitha
What are you deeming a “long time ago”? How old are you now and how long have they been divorced? These are pretty important variables to define the retrospective stance. Are there other external factors which are making things complicated?

There are so many things you are not revealing that it is impossible to speculate and answer. Yes, it is normal to feel devastated when your family is in turmoil due to a divorce – however generally that gradually diminshes over time as new routines and new norms take the place of old.

If much time has passed and you still have lingering issues, I would be concerned about seeking the root causes of these lost, sad and struggling emotions that are lingering.

Add your own answer in the comments!

I’m not in a hurry to meet someone, but I guess knowing that someone thought I was interesting would be nice.

Best answer:

Answer by B V
I have been married 3 times,, ( still on the 3rd) and yes it’s very hard to imagine yourself without the person you married and thought you loved.. But there are so many other people out there who will love you and take care of you,, just don’t give up,, get busy, learn something new,, like taking a dance class, or join a book club,, take karate,, just anything to keep you moving and meeting new people!!!

as a dear dear friend told me

Chin up,, eyes clear,, moving forward!!!!

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

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Best answer:

Answer by Bob B
Well when I opened the question I was expecting to leave a comment, not write a book. But you obviously need the whole book.

Well, let’s see. The first chapter would obviously be about how you put people in your life that are going to abuse you. Not only do you attract these types but you actually seek them out. Most of us that have lived for long periods of our childhoods in an abusive home do this. The proimary reason for that is that “normal” people that are raised in “normal” homes seem strange to us. They don’t take the skeptical view of others. Trust is not a foreign ideology to them. They can form casual bonds with people and not expect more than the other person is clearly stating that they are offering. This is a mindset that needs to be unlearned so that the new way of thinking can be learned.

That’s brings us to chapter two: Why do you move so fast in your relationships that you odn’t have time to feel out the other person before jumping in head first? Well this is also a result of your childhood. On the rare occasions that you had a happy period in life, it was short lived and you spent more time rembering those times than you do preparing for the future. Some people call that stuck in the past. Reflecting is good and comforting and calming at times, but when you spend to much time and energy wanting things that will never be again, then you end up missing out on opportunities to prepare for a better tomorrow. In your attempt to relive those moments of excitement and bliss, you over-commit to the first person who seems like they may be able to give you those good times again. Then three months down the road, when the new has worn off and the monotony of real life settles in you sit there thinking, What the hell did I just do? Its not what you did but how fast you did it that creates problems. Anyone willing to commit to marriage after two months of dating probably has issues of their own(more than likely very similar to yours in nature.)

Moving on, chapter three: How should a person grieve properly when they have only known a life of one loss after another? This is a tricky area for a lot of people. Guys are regularly told not to express emotion. “Be a man. Boys don’t cry.” This type of endoctrination is very hurtful in terms of emotional health and growth. And it is by no means limited to males. Grieving is something that everyone does a little different, but here are a couple of ground rules that I have found favorable.
1) You should set aside a portion of time to be used specifically for grieving. This should be a designated time period, say two-one hour periods during a week’s time(MAX). Make this time a ceremoneous event. Light some candles and turn out the lights. Put on some sad music that reminds you of the loss you are reflecting upon. Shut off the cell phones and the TV- IT CAN WAIT!!! Any time spent grieving outside of these designated times should be considered over-indulgent and should be vigilantly thrust out of your mind at the very moment the thoughts enter.
2) Don’t put yourself in the presence of dangerous people during your times of grieving. If there is a person of questionable integrity that comes to mind, exclude them. Until they are worthy of being trusted with your innermost emotions, they shouldn’t be allowed to see your soul on that level.( Your abusive boyfriend comes to mind for me. If he is capable of physically attacking you, he will not hesitate to emotionally attack you.) Don’t be afraid to let someone of irreputable integrity be a part of your grief. Share your thoughts and feelings. I know, we don’t trust anyone, but this is an important part of the grieving process. Its not about getting their input, its about being able to vocalize our own feelings.

Chapter four: But I’m in a relationship now! How do I respect my own commitment to that without putting myself in danger? This is an area where we are simply and genuinely confused. As abusees, we have come to accept being physically and emotionally abused. We allow people to hurt us while we hang on to the idea of a person that doesn’t want to be mean. We envision the person’s best qualities as their defining features. STOP!!! Those aren not their defining characteristics. They are their rare and most beautiful moments. Their defining features are that of control. You didn’t commit to a person who wanted to control you. You committed to the person that wanted to love and cherish you. Here is my suggestion- make it clear to him that you have seen him at his best and that you want to be a part of his life in those moments. But you have also seen the worst he has to offer and you are not willing to accept his two personas as a package deal. To put it simply- Shape up or ship out. You aren’t breaking a commitment here. The fact is the person that you committed yourself to is, by enlarge, an illusion.

And chapter five: If the powers that be would have afforded me a better childhood, would I have a better life today? The simple answer here- NO! Many people have come from broken/abusive/addictive households and have made themselves into amazingly successful people in life. When I became willing to define myself as an alcoholic I had to take on some new ideas that were foreign to me. One of those ideas was that I am the only person responsible for my success in life. In the treatment of alcoholism there are two basic areas of interest. 1) the knowledge of how to treat the disease. and 2) the application of that knowledge. I mentioned that because it is very similar to a lot of other issues that we all face in life. Addiction recovery, abuse recovery, inability to grieve, ADD/ADHD(one of my personal favorites), Diabetes, Cancer, etc… All of these things have those two factors in common. Knowledge and application- if you don’t know what to do then trying your hardest doesn’t matter. You’re just pissing in the wind. If you have all of the knowledge in the world and don’t take the action necessary to help yourself, none of it matters. You’re a walking, dying textbook that nobody wants to read.
I would advise you to do three things at this point. Start by learning Maslow’s Hierachy of Human Needs Pyramid. If you don’t know what that is, google it. After that, hit me up again. my email account is wasted_potential75@yahoo.com . I would love to discuss what the pyramid means to you and how you will go about securing your needs in life. The third thing, get a hobby. I got a guitar a week ago. I will never be the lead in the Van Halen crew, but it gives me something to do besides wallow in my misery. It took me years to pick a hobby so I understand if you don’t have an instant inspiration to take on something new. If that seems to be a problem for you like it was for me, contact me. We’ll talk you through it.

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More Divorce Advice Articles

not feel you can experience World War 2, it is an unfortunate fact of life that many of us go through is so prepared, is paramount. stay the course should not be the only thing on your mind 24 / 7. You still have to work and take care of mentally and physically every day.

Tip 1

try to rise up and armed confrontation with your ex, you have both decided to continue with the divorce in order to achieve what you have planned to do concentrate. Once you find a good lawyer, it is important that you spend time with them to build a relationship of trust. You must be very open about the recent events and your financial situation. There will be many questions to ask you so that you have a trusted friend, what is happening and what is expected in court. It is an expensive matter to a lawyer to make set so that you can for your money.

Tip 2

not turn to alcohol or food for comfort, that this is just because you feel bad and regret any error you make more later. If you can drink too much to say, not what we do. was Be aware of who you talk to someone who could turn a mutual friend behind your back when you to be smart with the need to say what you want. It can be a good idea, a therapist, that you of things your chest without having to say worry about whether what you said was right, you can see. You can also give you good advice on how to control your emotions during this difficult time.

While lawyers and therapists are at a price they are a useful asset for the long term. You have already dealt with many cases before you and with experience on the site is a must.