How to file for divorce – Divorce advice for women

Question by Royalhinney: What’s the best way to tell your kids that you are getting a divorce?
After many years of marriage, we have decided that it would be in the best interest for our family if we were to separate and get a divorce. We are planning on sitting down with the kids (ages 11 and 15) and explaining to them that we love them, but mommy and daddy are getting a divorce. Does anyone have any insight on what would be the best way to break the news to them in a way that will minimize their pain? We are also going to have to tell them that we will be putting the house up for sale as well. Thank you in advance for any advice.
A few more facts…
We don’t hate each other, we don’t bad mouth each other now and would never do it in the future. That would only hurt our children by doing that. We have already agreed on a visitation schedule.

And for those who suggest counseling, thank you for offering that, but we’ve done that and it wasn’t successful.

Thank you all for your real advice.

Best answer:

Answer by Violet Pearl
How sad. You should go to marriage counseling for 6 months before you destroy your family and their home. If you “loved” them as much as you say, you’d learn to get along– the “best” interest of your family is to stay together. You cannot minimize their pain! You are destroying their very foundation, home and family. It will be painful and destructive.
Can’t you and your spouse stay for another 7 years until the 11 year old is an adult, or do you mean it’s in your own best interest to destroy their lives?

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Question by neecee401: How can kids deal with divorce?
I’m only 16, but i’m a smart kid and I know when things are wrong.I am, I guess you can say “foreseeing” a possible divorce. I figure I might be ok if this happens, I know how to deal with my problems. But it’s my little brother I’m worried about. Any advice?

Best answer:

Answer by Josh-1990
sad divorce is, really bad if you have kids

not much you can really do but really, i mean really make sure he doesnt think it is his fault many young kids think that when divroce happens

make sure he doesnt believe that and he would be much better off and after that all he needs is hisolder sibling alon g side with him

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Question by Lizzie: How do I deal with the divorce of my parents? Any advice from kids who went through it?
My parents are getting a divorce and it’s made me change my ways of trust. I still talk to my friends and they know what I’m going through. I just have the tendency to push people away and I normally am never like that. A friend confronted me about it. Is this even normal? How do I get through this? I understand my mom is upset and my dad says he’s been upset. But it seems like he’s known he was going to do this for awhile. My feelings are so mixed up and I feel like I’m too worked up over this. I deal with my mom always crying, taking care of the house, meeting with my dad, talking to my brother, school, homework, tests, cheerleading. This is too much.

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Question by nylatinony: I want to divorce but i cant find my wife. How i can divorce without her signature? we dont have kids.?
I married in 1997 by love. I got my resident green card in 1998. Today day we dont live together and i want to divorce to get my Citizenship. I cant find her. Can i apply for citizenship before i divorce or I have to divorce first in order to to that. please advice.

Best answer:

Answer by Allie
Let me get this straight:

-You want a divorce
-Problem is you seem to have lost location of your wife

The world just gets more and more f***ed up each day, I swear.

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Question by Coffee Drinker: When you look back on your divorce, what are some mistakes you made when you told the kids?
I have read websites with advice on how to explain divorce to the kids and make it easier for them. But what are some real life things that you look back on now and can see that you could of done differently to help your kids through the divorce? What are some mistakes you think you made ?

Best answer:

Answer by Damita
the mistake i made was fogetting to mention how small daddy’s d!ck was and i also forgot to tell them he has one ball.

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Question by Fred: Do anyone have advice for Men going back to college over 40, after divorce, paying child support for 2 kids?
Over 40 years old, can I really get help and assistant to go back to college as a divorce man paying child support for two children?

Situation: Filed for divorce in 2008. My divorce have been granted in October 2010 and have not yet been finalized. Pay child support for two children. I have one daughter 13 from the marriage and a one year old son out of marriage. I have over 15 years experience working in accounting. I have been living with my brother and his wife as I was basically homeless and was waiting for my divorce to be finalized. I’ve been working for one year on a temporary assignement which ended in Nov 2010. I am collecting unemployment and seeking full time work and looking to go back to college. I am seeking advice as to how to best stabilize myself with my responsibilities and to take charge of my education. I no longer want to neglect my education. I have strong knowledge as an accountant and realtor. I have a real estate license as well. Please advise.

Best answer:

Answer by please try again
Go to school. There is plenty of assistance for you. The guy I recently broke up with (long story) is 37 and going through a long and drawn out divorce including child support and alimony. His ex wife is taking everything she can…except his desire to grow as a man and make more of his life so that he can continue to support his 3 boys. He started going back to school last year. He makes a good living now, but sees his potential that he could make more with a degree and I am 137% behind him there. If you’re worried about financial aid, talk to an advisor at the college. He/she can tell you what is available in your situation. Do it.

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Question by amber s: Advice on my soon to be divorce, its about the kids?
I am recently goin through a seperation. Its not legal or anything but i am haveing some thoughts about him takin the kids. He wants to see the kids and i have no problem about that except i think the sis in law maybe putting things in his head about takin the kids or something, i am not sure though. I dont think he is like that but is makes me a little nervous thouhg. Do you have any advice for me? Or know of any site that i could go to to get some answers?
i also live in ohio

Best answer:

Answer by bindysdogs
I don’t know what state you are in, but check with them on your rights. All states may be different and if we give you advice, it may be wrong considering where you live. His sister could possibly be putting thoughts in his head, that’s the more reason for you to check into your legal rights. Don’t let an angry husband threaten you with empty threats when you know the truth.

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Question by imagination_inevitable: Any advice for kids involved in a divorce?
I am seventeen years old and my parents have to decided to divorce. I also have a younger 13 year old sister. My sister and I always have to cope with fights inside the home, tension around my parents, and silence at the dinner table. It is very hard, especially on my sister. Its like I don’t want to come home anywhere because of all the disgust. I am really confused and I don’t know how to take sides. I see my dad always crying and my mom just stares into space and does not answer me when I call her sometimes. I just don’t know how to deal with it and I try to tell my sister that everything will be okay. My dad wants to keep the family together and says that divorce is destruction and my mom says that she has no feelings for my dad..please if anyone could give me some advice, I would take it dear to my heart. Thank You so much

Best answer:

Answer by Marina
You need to tell your parents that you want to talk. You and your sister need to sit down with them and tell them just what their fighting and the tears and silence are doing to you. Let them know that you’re hearing it, seeing it, and feeling it from them and it’s hurting you and your sister badly. Talk it through. I don’t think they realize how badly this is effecting you, sweetie. I never wanted my children to be hurt or effected by divorce, although I realized it was inevitable. Your parents just need a gentle reminder that you and your sister have eyes and ears in the house too.

Please don’t feel that you need to take sides, because you don’t, and your parents should not require you to make a choice like that in the first place. They need to leave you and your sister out of it. If faced with a choice about who you want to be with, say “both of you”. Divorce is an adult matter, and children should never be involved….this is why you need to let them know exactly how this is effecting you and your sister. I wish you the best, sweetie.

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Question by Faith B: Any advice for kids dealing with divorce?
I am 11 and this is not a typical divorce. My parents REALLY do not get along. They cannot be in the same room with each other for more than 10 mins.I have not been to my dad house in about a year. he is not able to maintain cleanlyness in his home so child sevices wil not let me go to his house. Child sevices interviews me once and a while. I am a total daddys girl, but my parents really put me on the spot when I have to go to court with them. in 3rd and 4th grade I missed several days of school do to court and stuff. i have told my mom about this and she does feel bad but there is nothing she can do. please give advice! And yes, I do see a phycologist and my school guidance counselor.
My dad is a good father, to all you creeps who are saying that he is a terrible man. he is depressed, and he can’t help it.

Best answer:

Answer by milepost211
Sounds like your getting put in the middle of their feud.

Sit them down and tell them with another responsible grown up present that it ends NOW!

The Rat

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Question by forbidden: Going through a divorce, need some real advice for me and my kids?
I was married too young (16) after 13 yrs of marriage and 2 kids, it’s over. Does anyone know of any good support groups for us? Or some ideas for us? My 8 yr old is so angry and his grades are slipping. I know these things can happen with a divorce, but I feel like I’ve ruined their lives. I want to help us all but don’t really know where to start. I tell my kids all the time I love them, I try all I know how. This is so new to me, I never imagined it would be like this.
I can’t afford counseling right now. My kids are going to a group center for it, but I want to do more.
I failed my marriage, I can’t fail my kids. Any advice is appreciated.
Thank you. I know i did fail. We both made mistakes. But hind sight is 20/20. I’m not looking for pity. Just advice for my kids and maybe for myself. What is sad is I can’t change the past. If I could I would in a heartbeat.
I just want my kids to be ok. I never wanted to hurt them and I know I have.

Best answer:

Answer by countryguyhfc
Don’t take all the blame on yourself. Remeber there were 2 people in that marriage. As for kids, they all deal with it differently. You can go to a local church an get them some help there. They may have group counseling for kids with divorced parents (and for you too). The most important thing is to let them know that no matter what you love them. And that does not mean spoiling them!

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