How to Keep a Divorce from Hurting Your Mother-Daughter Relationship

Author: Divorce Dr  //  Category: Divorce

How to Keep a Divorce from Hurting Your Mother-Daughter Relationship

As a single-parent mom, you already have a lot to juggle: working, raising children, and being both homemaker and housekeeper…not to mention everything else going on your life. If you’re the mom of a tween girl, you’re also faced with additional challenges as your daughter begins to go through the rapid physical changes puberty brings, forms a lasting opinion of herself, and finds her own strength and inner beauty. Your to-do list might be miles long, but even if it seems like you can’t possibly take on anything more, there are a few simple things you can do to make sure your relationship with your daughter doesn’t suffer after the divorce.

Here are three divorce-advice tips to help you keep a good mother-daughter relationship with your tween after the divorce is final.

Divorce Advice for Single-Parent Moms

1. Don’t treat her like your best friend or confidant.

Of course you are going through a tough time as you adjust to being a single-parent mom, and your daughter is going through a lot, too. It might be tempting to treat her like your best friend, but you don’t want to burden her with adult problems. Don’t think your mother-daughter relationship is becoming closer because you tell her every detail that goes through your head. Instead of becoming “best friends,” you could really be pushing her away by forcing her to make adult assessments of the divorce and its complexities.

2. Don’t give her a guilt-trip her because she wants to spend time with her father.

Girls who have positive relationships with their fathers (especially after a divorce) are more likely to grow up with healthy levels of self-confidence and have healthy relationships. In fact, instead of tearing down or resenting her relationship with her father, you should do everything you can to support it. Read “Help Your Ex Boost Your Daughters’ Self-Esteem and Confidence After Divorce” (link to parent article).

It’s important to support and encourage visitation between your ex-husband and your daughter. During her tween years, she will already be beginning to separate from him, and a divorce can hasten that feeling because the time she spends with her dad will probably be cut in half. Never make her feel guilty or as if she is choosing between her dad and you.

3. Get on the same page.

Although you won’t agree 100 percent of the time, join with your ex-husband in creating similar rules for both homes. Set core rules that will apply to her at both homes as she approaches her teen years. Speak to your ex-husband in advance to get his opinions and his cooperation when you have to administer discipline that could cross over into his visitation time. This way it will be easier for him to support and administer the discipline fairly and consistently in his home, too.

Being a single-parent mom isn’t easy, but you can keep your mother-daughter relationship intact by following these three pieces of divorce advice. To read more about how to navigate a relationship with your ex and how it affects your daughter, read Help Your Ex Boost Your Daughters’ and Confidence After Divorce.

Looking for additional resources on Self Esteem in ‘Tween’ Girls? Download this free report, Raising Resilient & Confident Daughters, from the authors of Discovery Girls Magazine and DiscoverYourDaughter.com.

Discovery Girls, Inc. is a media company whose goal is to help tween girls become strong, confident, resilient young women.

Founded in 2000, their products include Discovery Girls,  the award-winning magazine by girls, for girls ages 8 to 12; DiscoveryGirls.com; The Fab Girls Guides books; and DiscoverYourDaughter.com, a site for parents of tween girls.


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Before You File For Divorce, Keep These Tips In Mind

Author: Divorce Dr  //  Category: Divorce

Before You File For Divorce, Keep These Tips In Mind

The process of seeking advice for an impending divorce is not an easy thing to do. Firstly, it is an admission to people that your relationship or marriage has failed and no one likes admitting to failure. Nevertheless, when a marriage has crumbled and both partners are looking for a way out, many times a divorce is the only recourse. In that case, whether you want to or not, you’ll have to begin seeking divorce advice.

The thing is, however, if you have never been thorough a divorce, where do you begin? For most people, the most logical place to begin is with your friends, especially divorced friends, if you have them. Your friend will empathize with you having gone through a similar experience herself. For similar reasons, a divorced friend will not look down on you, chastise you, or judge you.

Not only that, but a friend who has been had the misfortune to go through a similar divorce, will most likely have useful contact phone numbers that you can take advantage of – such as lawyers, accountant, counselors, and so on. But even beyond the practical reasons, a friend is a good person to seek advice from because they’re a shoulder to lean on.

Looking at things from a purely practical and legal standpoint, you will find that you will usually get the best divorce advice from a good divorce attorney. A competent divorce attorney knows the divorce rules of the state in which you reside and can help you to make the best legal decisions for yourself.

Most experts will probably advise you that, when you choose an attorney, don’t choose the same one as your spouse. This avoids possible conflicts of interest and ensures that the lawyer is primarily looking out for your interests as the divorce proceedings wind their way through the court system.

It is presumed that, by the time you have arrived at your decision to file for a divorce, that you have thought it through thoroughly and assured yourself that a divorce is the absolutely right thing to do. In the rare case, however, you decide at the last minute that you aren’t sure or that you want to change your mind – don’t go through with it just to avoid embarrassment.

But, even if the court proceedings have already started, you should not feel that you are compelled to follow through with the divorce no matter what. And, also, don’t let either of the lawyers intimidate you in going forward either, if you’ve had a true change of heart. The courts allow for the changing of one’s mind. Up until the divorce is final, you can back out at any time.

The most important thins is to come to the realization that divorce is not the answer to every problem in a marriage. As a consequence, it should probably never be the first option that you choose. The world is filled with long time married couples who had troubles at one point in their marriage, stuck with it, managed to resolve their problems, and ended up staying together as close friends and confidantes into their twilight years.

Want more articles on relationship and divorce issues? You can find articles such as mediation for divorce and divorce on line at our website.


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