Man on the Edge of Divorce {SERIOUS ADVICE TO A FRIEND}?
Author: Divorce Dr // Category: DivorceQuestion by Sid Singer: Man on the Edge of Divorce {SERIOUS ADVICE TO A FRIEND}?
A friend came to me with a problem looking for advice.
So here’s the problem:
He was a car guy. Loved working on anything with a motor since he was a kid. His dad was a master mechanic. His granddad was a mechanic. So it runs in his family. He has won several nation racing award. This is his big passion in life (aside form being a Dad)
Long story short, 2 years into the marriage his wife had it with his husband spending so much time and energy at the shop. Again, he was making money and for him didn’t feel like work.
So she gave him an ultimatum. Give up working on cars, get a new job, and stay home more, or she will divorce him and file for sole custody of his son.
He choose his family.
Got a desk job (not as much money but a stable schedule. Comes home on a regular basis. Provides for his family and does whatever his wife wants. He even sold all his tools and covered his 3 car custom garage into a library for his wife.
The problem is his wife is complaining how “he doesn’t seem to have any passion for anything” and doesn’t want that kind of influence around the child. Divorce talk is slowly creeping up.
(I have to admit I have seen a major drop in this guy’s zest for life. He still a nice guy, but there isn’t a bounce in his step anymore.)
The man is desperate not have his son come from a broken home. He grew up in one, and I personally think his wife is using that trauma against him.
I don’t know what advice to give him. He wants to get back that lifelong passion he had, without going back to cars.
Personally I don’t think it can be done.
What advice would you give? Also what do you think of situation about giving up your life passion in the way he did?
I would like to clear up. Even while he was working on cars he made it a point to be home every day and spend time with his kids or have the kids hang out with him at the shop to show that a man can get paid and love what he does. He also craves off date night every week with his wife, but I think his wife doesn’t like how he loves something more than her. That’s my guess and what he has said to me.
It’s a true story.
I actually helped build the custom garage to his house. His wife always wanted a library for herself and hated the garage. It was HIS idea (as a sign of how committed he was to his family) that me and a few of his (mechanic) friends got together and renovated the garage to help him out. It’s just Drywall, paint, laminate flooring, and bookshelves.
The wife doesn’t want anything to do with cars. No NASCAR, not custom cars TV shows. Even when me or any of his mechanic friends call up our friend for something, she screens the call.
Example: I was having an engine compression problem I need advice on (the guy is a gear genius), and she freaking hung up on me.
The only reason I haven’t been filtered out yet was becuase I’m the Godfather to his kid.
Pearl: The reason the hung out at the shop was he LOVED what he worked on. it was never a money issue. The man is a freaking legend in some circle. The man is no puss either. He is just in living fear of losing his kid, that the wife reminds him repeatedly.
His back-story was at 12 his folks divorced, and becuase his old man had a drug problem, the mother got the child. a year later she abandoned him and spent the rest of the years bouncing around group homes. The only constant he had was working on cars.
Best answer:
Answer by r_amber35
My suggestion would be that he sits down and has a serious conversation with his wife. If cars are his passion, then he should be able to pursue it. But he also needs to take into consideration that his family needs to be a priority as well. This means setting BOUNDARIES around his passion. Such as he will only work “x” amount of hours a week, he will be home for dinners, they will take vacations, when he is home then he is HOME (his thoughts are with his family and not the cars). Then he will need to FOLLOW THROUGH on these items. Trust me, if he side steps a bit it will be war in the household. This needs to be something discussed with his wife. They are a partnership and they both need to stop acquiesing to the other’s demands and instead compromise on issues so everyone can be happy.
re: Your edit. A woman never wants to be somebody’s second choice, even if it’s to a car. His first love needs to be her and the family. Car second. Once he does this, she will feel secure letting him reintroduce it into their lives in a balanced manner.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
