How to file for divorce – Divorce advice for women

Before You File For Divorce, Keep These Tips In Mind

The process of seeking advice for an impending divorce is not an easy thing to do. Firstly, it is an admission to people that your relationship or marriage has failed and no one likes admitting to failure. Nevertheless, when a marriage has crumbled and both partners are looking for a way out, many times a divorce is the only recourse. In that case, whether you want to or not, you’ll have to begin seeking divorce advice.

The thing is, however, if you have never been thorough a divorce, where do you begin? For most people, the most logical place to begin is with your friends, especially divorced friends, if you have them. Your friend will empathize with you having gone through a similar experience herself. For similar reasons, a divorced friend will not look down on you, chastise you, or judge you.

Not only that, but a friend who has been had the misfortune to go through a similar divorce, will most likely have useful contact phone numbers that you can take advantage of – such as lawyers, accountant, counselors, and so on. But even beyond the practical reasons, a friend is a good person to seek advice from because they’re a shoulder to lean on.

Looking at things from a purely practical and legal standpoint, you will find that you will usually get the best divorce advice from a good divorce attorney. A competent divorce attorney knows the divorce rules of the state in which you reside and can help you to make the best legal decisions for yourself.

Most experts will probably advise you that, when you choose an attorney, don’t choose the same one as your spouse. This avoids possible conflicts of interest and ensures that the lawyer is primarily looking out for your interests as the divorce proceedings wind their way through the court system.

It is presumed that, by the time you have arrived at your decision to file for a divorce, that you have thought it through thoroughly and assured yourself that a divorce is the absolutely right thing to do. In the rare case, however, you decide at the last minute that you aren’t sure or that you want to change your mind – don’t go through with it just to avoid embarrassment.

But, even if the court proceedings have already started, you should not feel that you are compelled to follow through with the divorce no matter what. And, also, don’t let either of the lawyers intimidate you in going forward either, if you’ve had a true change of heart. The courts allow for the changing of one’s mind. Up until the divorce is final, you can back out at any time.

The most important thins is to come to the realization that divorce is not the answer to every problem in a marriage. As a consequence, it should probably never be the first option that you choose. The world is filled with long time married couples who had troubles at one point in their marriage, stuck with it, managed to resolve their problems, and ended up staying together as close friends and confidantes into their twilight years.

Tricia Walsh Smith’s YouTube video rant as discussed on Kelly’s Court. Megyn Kelly, a former prosecutor, has criminal defense attorneys Jonna Spilbor and Arthur Aidala contemplating legal implications of the video accusations aired on YouTube where a soon to be ex-wife of Philip Smith unloads all her dirty laundry on him.

Question by Nebmommyof1: WHAT CAN I DO? Get him back before divorce is final? *serious answers & advice only please!!!*?
My husband and I have been together for 12 years, and married for 8. We are both 30 – We have a 5 year old daughter together, and on December 12th, my husband served me with Divorce papers.
I had been emailing a guy 5 states away, the emails included normal chat about everyday life, and then it got heated with some sex talk online – my husband found out about it & was very upset, but told me that if that is what I need to do to keep myself from actually going out to “physically” cheat, then I could do what I wanted – within reason. This guy works for a company that deals with the company I work for, and he called me to let me know that he was in town overnight – I met him for the 1st time, he is 43 years old and not very attractive at all, so I never worried about putting myself in a compromising situation of an affair with him, we both understood that and we just hung out, had a few drinks; I only hung out with him because he is funny and I told him that I considered him a friend but nothing more. This guy and I grabbed some food to go, then we both went up to his hotel room and we ate and talked. I never was within a few feet of him, I never had sex with the man. my husband then caught me and him together by calling the hotel – he knew the guys name from the emails – and I told him that I wasn’t coming downstairs to talk to him now, but that I would be home later and we would talk about it – I was dishonest with my husband about where I was & who I was with, but I swear to GOD that I did NOT have sex with this man – I have since stopped all contact with this man, and it has been almost 2 months since I last talked to him or emailed him. I have cut him off completely from my life – my husband gets my cell phone bill, and I have proved him wrong with that thought that I continued contact. I promised him that I would never put myself in that position again – I told him the reason why I did it is because I felt less to him than his hobbies, and he rarely would express his love for me other than when we had sex. I was also selfish – I should have been talking to him more, but everytime something was wrong with him, I would have to badger him until he would finally open up. I always had to initiate conversation, initiate intimacy, initiate any ideas for remodeling our home – he never took the initiative with anything until he served me with divorce papers.

After I was served with the divorce papers on the 12th, I found out that he was having an affair before getting a lawyer to set up the divorce papers with a neighbor across the alley who wasn’t legally divorced yet & is 38. She has been married & divorced *4* times. Her last husband is also our neighbor, whom my husband became friends with while the 2 of them were married. She has 2 teenage daughters that she is rarely home to see or parent. She is a nasty woman who her friends admitted to me that she uses people for her own benefit – her benefit in this case was brainwashing my husband to believe her with all her divorce experience, that he should leave his family and be with her, and to get a divorce. She is a bar fly that has sex with any man who will take her home – this is not hear say, this is the truth – one of the guys she has had sex with admitted their brief one night affair. (the week that I was served with papers, he had led me to believe that we would work through this with marriage counseling and our love would prevail)
He moved out of the house on the 27th of December to stay with his parents – we went to counseling after the papers were served, and also the day before our temporary hearing on who gets what temporarily.
I also found out that he spent new years eve with this woman and paid for a hotel room – I wondered why he didn’t want to spend it with our daughter, he just said that he was going to this other city to see his sister.
I told him, even in front of our counselor, that if this is what he really wants to divorce me, then please leave this woman alone so we can settle things with clear heads. He told me that the night before last, that he has ended it with her & will prove it to me with copies of his cell phone bill – he doesn’t have another phone or another way to contact her, so the bill will be the proof.
I have continually been proving myself to him, that I have not & will not ever do what I did to him again – He has told me that he still loves me, and still will re-consider getting back with me.

My thoughts are this: He did this to get back at me for the hurt that I put on him (we never had any type of major fights before, everything was what I would call “picture perfect”)

He is scared to work on our marriage because he thinks that I may hurt him again

He is so confused right now that he doesn’t know which end is up, and I have told him a thousand times over that I would always be there for him no matter what. We are very close – closer than most married people that I have ever been around.

I told him t
that if we can continue the marriage counselling and leave everyone else out of this other than our daughter, and in that respect, she only knows that mommy and daddy aren’t living together.

I want to show him that there is so much more in our future together, I want him to see that even though I did those things to him, that he hurt me even worse with this other woman. I want him to see that we are meant to be – all our friends and family members want to see us work this out and be together.
How can I make this right in his mind and in his heart? How can I save our marriage before he makes the biggest mistake of his life?
He has even agreed to have another baby – does that sound like someone who really wants to divorce? If he really wanted the divorce, then why is he still talking to me – why wouldn’t he have moved out when he served me with divorce papers? Why has he still been making love to me, and kissing me at odd times?
Is this really a person that wants a divorce?
I had to merge the info together – not enough space…..
I AGAIN STATE THAT WE DIDN’T HAVE PROBLEMS BEFORE THIS! WHEN WE DATED AND LIVED TOGETHER FOR 4 YEARS, THERE WASN’T AN ISSUE WITH THE INTIMACY, OR ANYTHING ELSE.
I honestly believe that the “initiating” issue began when we bought our home and a new vehicle – just “monetary” stress within the last couple years – that is it.
I didn’t say that we were going to have another baby, I said that he agreed to it – the point of that being said was to show that he isn’t over “us” yet – and is being indecisive! I didn’t say that it was going to happen – only that he agreed to it.
I totally agree with those of you who said that it is my fault – I have admitted fault to this – I was very selfish and didn’t take into effect the “cause & effect” situation that I put myself into –
The woman is a “bar fly” because she is one. She even posted 3 pages worth of pictures of her being drunk with other men on her myspace page which is public knowledge.
The “guy” that i was talking to and met was nothing more to me than a friend. and I knew it for a fact before I ever met him. He knew that it would never go further than what it did, and even told me that he was very sorry for even putting me in that position – I told him that it took my decision to be there as well.
We didn’t eat out in public because I didn’t want anyone that I knew to see me, and I wish that I had – I wish that I never would have done what I did. Unfortunately after a stone is thrown, you can’t un-throw it – I am trying to work on the future at this point, and learn from my terrible mistakes.
Today my husband & I met with our pastor, and we are going to continue talking it through to see if we can make some head way in paving a better path for our future – regardless of the outcome.

Best answer:

Answer by meaganlech
I’ve found out a lot about men through reading the book ‘ He’s Just Not That Into You’. Even though it may not solve your situation, it will give you some insight to options you may want to pursue. Hope this helps.

Give your answer to this question below!

Question by colt454her: Is it better to file bankruptsy before divorce or vise versa?
I want to file for divorce but I also have many debts that I am tied to through marriage. Is it better to file bankruprsy first or divorce, I want no loose ends when it is all over and a clean, fresh start. Please don’t guess I need solid advice.

Best answer:

Answer by Wade
Before, drag them down with you since they helped get you there.

Add your own answer in the comments!

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fly2sxm question : legal advice. My lawyer has resigned three weeks before my divorce hearing.?
I am divorced and have a hearing in June and July, on motions for reconsideration of the stay of my son’s custody and support. Today I received a letter that my lawyer has resigned. I have no money to hire another one and still do not know how I can get a hearing on my own behalf, without representation. I was fired last month and should soon have a job. Any help is appreciated during this difficult time. Blessings … Best Answer:
Reply from

LittleBarb
No work, no money to pay for a lawyer? I would like to see legal aid, what it can do for you … for now, I doubt a judge to reconsider the custody, until you find a job again, and their support, I think you’re basically off the hook until you are more …. but call for legal help if you can not help, I’m sure they can give you a number of someone who can.

question Alyssa : Give my husband a second chance before I file for divorce? Men need advice?
I am 27 years old and has for 7 years with my husband, who was 11 years older than I am married, I met him when I was 18 years and the age difference does not bother me, we broke earlier this year. It had a live band and has for the last 19yrs it developed a heroin addiction, before I met him, but it was clean. After we married, he began to crack and trying very hard to show him what he has done, but he has never heard, and he relapsed into heroin again. Through it all, he never heard her say to me how much he loved me and how happy he was to see me, he always has his songs is specialized around me, or drugs. He was charged with DUI 4 years ago, but the cost was dismissed after the successful rehabilitation and subsequent testing. He had a relapse into cocaine in the last year and I was arrested for domestic violence push me but gave up, we agreed that advice. I know this is bad for him, but he really is the most romantic person I have ever met and he goes out of their way to make me happy when I see it I will be in his arms, I’m so in love him. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it is not on medication because of his past, but he suffers from mood swings. It was clean / summer meeting, which I leave in March. He came to me last week and I told him to go, but he said he was to stay in town until I talk to him and he just gave me so easily because he can not imagine her life without me, “he said , his work is *** off to make me happy, he needs me. Im really in love with him, but is it worth it? I really need advice Best Answer.

Answer Guy by Computer
It is unlikely that you will see a sustainable improvement of health without mental proximity / psychiatrist. He, like many of its questions, really motivated to change, but relapsed when the “pressure for change” subsidies. I will not begin to say to leave or return to him, but I’ll tell you that you have to decide whether you want to live with chronic relapse, know that they are likely to recur.

Question by Melissa: Give my husband a second chance before i file for divorce? Need Male Advice?
I am 27 and was married for 7yrs to my husband who is 11yrs older than me, -I met him when i was 18 & the age gap never bothers me- We broke up early this year. He is in a touring band and has been for the last 19yrs, he had developed a heroin addiction before i met him but got clean from it. After we married he started using crack cocaine & i tried really hard to make him see what he was doing to himself but he never listened and he relapsed into Heroin again. Through out all this he never stopped telling me how much he loved me & how lucky he was to have me, he always bases his songs about me or drugs. He was charged 4yrs ago with DUI but the charges were dismissed after he successfully completed rehab and subsequent drug tests. He had another relapse with cocaine last year and i had him arrested on domestic violence charges for shoving me but dropped them as we agreed to counseling. I know all this is bad about him but he is really the most romantic person i have ever met and he goes out of his way to make me happy and every time i see him i want to be in his arms, i am so in love with him. He has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, he is not under medication because of his past, but he is suffering from mood swings. He has been clean/been at meetings since i left him in March. He came to see me last week and i told him to leave but he said he is staying in town until i talk to him and that hes not giving me up that easily because he cant imagine his life without me in it, he said that he will work his *** off to make me a happy, that he really needs me. Im really in love with him but is it worth it? I really need advice.

Best answer:

Answer by Backhoe
If he would get clean and stay that way, and u Love him . It mite be worth the 2nd chance

Add your own answer in the comments!

Question Melissa : Give my husband a second chance before I file for divorce? Men need advice?
I am 27 years old and has for 7 years with my husband, who was 11 years older than I am married, I met him when I was 18 years and the age difference does not bother me, we broke earlier this year. It had a live band and has for the last 19yrs it developed a heroin addiction, before I met him, but it was clean. After we married, he began to crack and trying very hard to show him what he has done, but he has never heard, and he relapsed into heroin again. Through it all, he never heard her say to me how much he loved me and how happy he was to see me, he always has his songs is specialized around me, or drugs. He was charged with DUI 4 years ago, but the cost was dismissed after the successful rehabilitation and subsequent testing. He had a relapse into cocaine in the last year and I was arrested for domestic violence push me but gave up, we agreed that advice. I know this is bad for him, but he really is the most romantic person I have ever met and he goes out of their way to make me happy when I see it I will be in his arms, I’m so in love him. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, it is not on medication because of his past, but he suffers from mood swings. It was clean / summer meeting, which I leave in March. He came to me last week and I told him to go, but he said he was to stay in town until I talk to him and he just gave me so easily because he can not imagine her life without me, “he said , his work is *** off to make me happy, he needs me. Im really in love with him, but is it worth it? I really need advice Best Answer.

answer given by Mr O
he deserves a second chance to make as long as you both the trouble. I mean, you can have 7 + years so easily?

Question by Samantha: Give my husband a second chance before i divorce him? Need Advice?
I am 27 and was married for 7yrs to my husband who is 11yrs older than me, -I met him when i was 18 & the age gap never bothers me- We broke up early this year. He is in a touring band and has been for the last 19yrs, he had developed a heroin addiction before i met him but got clean from it. After we married he started using crack cocaine & i tried really hard to make him see what he was doing to himself but he never listened and he relapsed into Heroin again. Through out all this he never stopped telling me how much he loved me & how lucky he was to have me, he always bases his songs about me or drugs. He was charged 4yrs ago with DUI but the charges were dismissed after he successfully completed rehab and subsequent drug tests. He had another relapse with cocaine last year and i had him arrested on domestic violence charges for shoving me but dropped them as we agreed to counseling. I know all this is bad about him but he is really the most romantic person i have ever met and he goes out of his way to make me happy and every time i see him i want to be in his arms, i am so in love with him. He has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, he is not under medication because of his past, but he is suffering from mood swings, but he can be so funny & everyone loves him. He has been clean/been at meetings since January. He came to see me last week and i told him to leave but he said he is staying in town until i talk to him and that hes not giving me up that easily because he cant imagine his life without me in it, he said that he will work his *** off to make me a happy, that he really needs me, he always holds me close to him. Im really in love with him but is it worth it? I really need advice.

Best answer:

Answer by Dave87gn
once a druggie always a druggie

move on

What do you think? Answer below!

question Abbey : Give my husband a second chance before I get a divorce from him? Need advice?
I am 27 years old and has for 7 years with my husband of 11 years older than me, I met him when I was 18 years and the age gap never bothered me was, is married, we broke earlier this year. It had a live band and has for the last 19yrs it developed a heroin addiction, before I met him, but it was clean. After we married, he began to crack and trying very hard to show him what he has done, but he has never heard, and he relapsed into heroin again. Through it all, he never heard her say to me how much he loved me and how happy he was to see me, he always based his songs about me. He was charged with DUI 4 years ago, but the cost was dismissed after the successful rehabilitation and subsequent testing. He had a relapse into cocaine in the last year and I was arrested for domestic violence push me but gave up, we agreed that advice. I know this is bad for him, but he really is the most romantic person I have ever met and he goes out of their way to make me happy when I see it I will be in his arms, I’m so in love him. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but not on medication and suffers from mood swings, but it can be so funny and everyone loves him. It was clean / in the meetings since December. He came to me last week and I told him to go, but he said he was to stay in town until I talk to him and he just gave me so easily because he can not imagine her life without me, “he said , his work is *** off to make me happy and he really needs me now, he still holds me close to him. Im really in love with him and do not give it up, but is it worth it? I really need advice Best Answer.
Reply from

Y0UNG Gam3le
allowed to be quite honest with you, if they so strong that it affects your quality of life, then you must move on …. I know it is not easy and 7 years to marry a long long time (like 2 times the longest relationship I ever had), but it seems he just can not seem to get it together. Heroin and crack are highly addictive drug and any time he can do good for one year, then a relapse. I would say, since you together for many years, you should give him another chance and are very serious about him and tell him that … Mess it up again then you have no choice but to move, because you can not leave the drugs you take on and off and !!!!!!!!

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